Wherever I go in life, you're the one of the important things that I will always carry along with me. For you have left a great impact in my life, which is by leaving this painful feeling within me. Till the day we meet in Heaven again, please continue to be my source of inspiration and reminder in whatever I do :) I get to know so much more about you through other people and I was stupid for not getting to know more of you when we were senior-junior relationship.
You have really kept my mind occupied whole day long, and others too. Joash, if it's possible, I wish I could see you in my dreams. Even if it's just a dream, I believe that I really saw you, just like in real life.
Wish I could be there at your funeral tomorrow, but I guess it's kinda hard for some of us as all of this happened too sudden. Heard that people are still trying to get a place just for you to have a memory/wake service held in Taylor's Lakeside Campus. Don't you feel touch? Haha. I'll be there to "see you off" in whichever service I am able to attend. Hope I don't sound desperate here (or maybe I am?). I just didn't know the lost of you would affect me so much.
Blessings & Peace Out,
♠ Vanessa ♠™
Thursday, June 17, 2010
This Is All I Could Do For You
Joash oh Joash. Do you know that I can't stop thinking of you since I got the news from different ones and Lyon that you are no longer here? Whenever I tell people about the passing away of you and some of your family members, I can't stop but shed those tears. Like I said in my previous post, we may not be close friends, but the feeling of losing a friend like you is just so heart aching. Whenever you came across my mind, I'll be like "Ahh, it's still hard to believe that someone I know of just passed away. And to think that I still see you walking around campus few weeks back and you said hi to me. Why was I in a rush at that time?"
Now that you're gone, I've been going around Twitter and Facebook, telling people that I've lost a friend like you. I don't care if people thinks that I'm trying to get attention since I'm not close to you, but I hope you understand that those are not my intentions, at all. I felt really bad not being able to get to know more about you before you leave. I felt really bad cause I did not appreciate the times when I have the chance to hang out with you. I felt bad, Joash.
It feels weird for me all of a sudden that, this blog post(s) is slowly turning into a chatbox between me and you. Or was it just me doing the talking? However it is, I guess this would be the only way where I can share and express my thoughts out about you. Even if you're safe in His hands now with some of your family members, Lord, I ask of Your permission to let Joash read this. And Lord I pray, that you'll continue to protect Joash's sister (who's in shock), Joash's mom (who's still waiting to go for operation), and his brother (who's currently in the operation room now). Pray that You'll preserve their life's. I guess that prayer did not work on Joash's life and some of his family members.
I will not stop updating this blog in remembrance of you, Joash. Heard that your name appeared in TV3 news just now, and at that time, I was watching Korea scored a goal in the match against Argentina? An update on the scores for you (*laughs). I will not miss on the news later at 12am. I really miss you.
Blessings & Peace Out,
♠ Vanessa ♠™
Now that you're gone, I've been going around Twitter and Facebook, telling people that I've lost a friend like you. I don't care if people thinks that I'm trying to get attention since I'm not close to you, but I hope you understand that those are not my intentions, at all. I felt really bad not being able to get to know more about you before you leave. I felt really bad cause I did not appreciate the times when I have the chance to hang out with you. I felt bad, Joash.
It feels weird for me all of a sudden that, this blog post(s) is slowly turning into a chatbox between me and you. Or was it just me doing the talking? However it is, I guess this would be the only way where I can share and express my thoughts out about you. Even if you're safe in His hands now with some of your family members, Lord, I ask of Your permission to let Joash read this. And Lord I pray, that you'll continue to protect Joash's sister (who's in shock), Joash's mom (who's still waiting to go for operation), and his brother (who's currently in the operation room now). Pray that You'll preserve their life's. I guess that prayer did not work on Joash's life and some of his family members.
I will not stop updating this blog in remembrance of you, Joash. Heard that your name appeared in TV3 news just now, and at that time, I was watching Korea scored a goal in the match against Argentina? An update on the scores for you (*laughs). I will not miss on the news later at 12am. I really miss you.
Blessings & Peace Out,
♠ Vanessa ♠™
Joash Wee
This post is specially dedicated to a dear friend I know through CF, Joash Wee.
I still remember the first time I met him was rather funny. Before I get to know his existence, I have this crazy idea that next time in future, if I happen to give birth to a baby boy, I will name him Joash. Little did I know that this person with the exact same name I plan to give to my future baby boy actually exist, and he was one of the committee's in CF back then when we were still stuck in Taylor's PJ Campus. The day when I first met him, things was pretty awkward as I find this charming guy came into the picture with the same name as my future baby boy. Haha yes, that's how we first met each other :)
Though we did not know each other well, it's been a blessing for me to be able to know someone like him. A passionate Christian himself, who so happens to be my senior of the same course. He just graduated not too long ago and the CF people threw a farewell for both him and Sean. I wasn't there at that time during the farewell as I wasn't feeling too well at that time. Now, I felt really bad that I wasn't there for the farewell few weeks ago. He and a few of his family members met a car accident this morning and only his mom and another sister survived. When Lyon send me the message, I was utterly shock to hear about the news and I quickly did a simple prayer of protection upon the family's life. When I got back from gym, immediately I went and check my Twitter, with updates on the lost of the family and he himself. I tried to deny the fact that I might have interpret it wrongly, so I send Lyon a text message to get an update. Few seconds later, he called. I immediately broke down in tears when the information I got from Twitter was actually right.
Though him and I were never close friends, but in my entire life, I have never encounter anyone that I know of pass away. Most of the time, the news I heard of are people I do not know. This time, he became the first. At this point of time, I really felt bad that I did not get to spend more time with him, even though we study in the same campus. I regretted that I did not get to know more of him and hang out with him when he was still breathing. I just could not believe that he was one of the unlucky ones to have his life taken away. Quoting from what Miss T said when I saw what Nicole posted on Facebook,
"God needed an angel, so He picked one of His best work.."
You will be missed, dear Joash. I really hope you can see this, even if you and your family has already went up and meet the Lord. Will be praying for the rest of your family who survived this tragic accident.
Yes Joash. Though we may not be close, but this tears shed for you was real and it comes from the bottom of my heart. To be honest, I still can't accept the fact that you've passed away. I just can't accept it.
Blessings & Peace Out,
♠ Vanessa ♠™
I still remember the first time I met him was rather funny. Before I get to know his existence, I have this crazy idea that next time in future, if I happen to give birth to a baby boy, I will name him Joash. Little did I know that this person with the exact same name I plan to give to my future baby boy actually exist, and he was one of the committee's in CF back then when we were still stuck in Taylor's PJ Campus. The day when I first met him, things was pretty awkward as I find this charming guy came into the picture with the same name as my future baby boy. Haha yes, that's how we first met each other :)
Though we did not know each other well, it's been a blessing for me to be able to know someone like him. A passionate Christian himself, who so happens to be my senior of the same course. He just graduated not too long ago and the CF people threw a farewell for both him and Sean. I wasn't there at that time during the farewell as I wasn't feeling too well at that time. Now, I felt really bad that I wasn't there for the farewell few weeks ago. He and a few of his family members met a car accident this morning and only his mom and another sister survived. When Lyon send me the message, I was utterly shock to hear about the news and I quickly did a simple prayer of protection upon the family's life. When I got back from gym, immediately I went and check my Twitter, with updates on the lost of the family and he himself. I tried to deny the fact that I might have interpret it wrongly, so I send Lyon a text message to get an update. Few seconds later, he called. I immediately broke down in tears when the information I got from Twitter was actually right.
Though him and I were never close friends, but in my entire life, I have never encounter anyone that I know of pass away. Most of the time, the news I heard of are people I do not know. This time, he became the first. At this point of time, I really felt bad that I did not get to spend more time with him, even though we study in the same campus. I regretted that I did not get to know more of him and hang out with him when he was still breathing. I just could not believe that he was one of the unlucky ones to have his life taken away. Quoting from what Miss T said when I saw what Nicole posted on Facebook,
"God needed an angel, so He picked one of His best work.."
You will be missed, dear Joash. I really hope you can see this, even if you and your family has already went up and meet the Lord. Will be praying for the rest of your family who survived this tragic accident.
Yes Joash. Though we may not be close, but this tears shed for you was real and it comes from the bottom of my heart. To be honest, I still can't accept the fact that you've passed away. I just can't accept it.
Blessings & Peace Out,
♠ Vanessa ♠™
The Only Place
I guess this would be the only place that gives me the freedom to truly express how I really feel when I'm down. Years ago, I used to express my thoughts and emotions in this blog AND in Twitter (sometimes in Facebook too).
Not to say that I'm banned from doing so, but to avoid people from coming up to me and ask about my 'emo updates' both on Twitter and Facebook and maybe receive some 'lecturing' after that. No thanks. At least I know that not many people will come and drop by or visit this blog. I doubt not many knows about the existence of this blog, so it would be somewhat good news for me.
Last weekend, I was left with no choice but to follow my family back to Kluang to celebrate grandma's (Mom's side of the family) birthday. At the same time, the day I head back to Kluang is also the 3rd and final day of Revo RE:UNION. And so happen the Lightbulb dance team are scheduled to perform on that day. Obviously, I was really sad (and angry at the same time) when I heard about the news that I could not join and perform with the team this time round. Not only do I get to not perform dance with the team, but what frustrates me most is that I'm gonna miss the EPCC-ians till the next time I see them (which most probably would be next year) and I didn't get to spend more time with them 2 days before I leave. I shall not go further into details about the story as the remaining parts would be my rants and complains and some other stuff.
But after all this, I thought I would've let go and forget about it and move on with life. Pictures just have to be posted up on Facebook and to be honest, when those pictures were shown to people who (have no choice and) did not went for the conference, the feeling sucks! Seriously. Not too long ago, I saw pictures of the performance and once again, I was reminded that I missed out on the event. Immediately after all this, thoughts started flowing in and I was so depressed and eventually, I gave in to emotions. Though I always tell myself and to some other people that life is meant to be meaningful and we should always put a smile on our face, but there are times when we need to fall down, in able for us to be able to stand and rise up again.
Yes, it may seem that I'm searching for excuses to 'cover up' on my childish-characteristics-to-get-jealous-over-things-like-that. But whatever, I do admit it and I'm the type of person who hates losing.
Up till now, there are only a few people where I can really turn towards to and rant all I want on them. And I have to say, I am thankful that I have friends like them beside me. Adding to that, I came to realize once again that I should not expect too much from people. I looked like a fool to myself as I always tend to expect sympathy from certain people. It is these sorta thoughts and always keeps me thinking and questioning myself, questioning God as well. Am I invincible in people's eyes now? Will people notice my existence if I'm gone? All this may seem like a Lack of Attention action and words to you readers out there, but I don't care. Judge all you want if that ever makes you feel happy. I have no comment towards that. I'm just being struck by my emotions at this odd hour in the middle of the night and I don't think I know what nonsense and crap I just wrote in this post.
♠ Vanessa ♠™
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