I Do Not Know How To Feel Anymore

Congratulations once again to Alvin Keng and Jessica Chan upon their marriage yesterday at the ceremony in St. Peter's Church, Bangsar in the morning and the wedding dinner was beautiful as well :) they are officially married, together, husband and wife :p

All was good for me throughout the day, but until the very end of the wedding dinner, I was in a not-so-good-mood that only Salby and Joel knows about it. I really thank God for them as they were there for me whenever I feel helpless and needs someone to talk to. The 3 of us are very close till a point where we became non-biological brother and sisters. It's funny to see that I'm closer to them rather than my own sisters ._. oops.

Many did not know I was feeling down cause they are not the ones or the reason I'm feeling emotionally down. Whatever it is, if the person is smart enough or rather an observational type of person, he/she might notice my actions towards him/her is rather "cold". My cold-shoulder treatment to that person.

However, I really do not want to see me and that person fall into this kinda relationship as we were once consider close to each other. But after that conversation, I don't think we are as close anymore. Right now, whenever I see that person around me, I would not want to give him/her any eye contact and I would try my every way to stay far away from him/her.

I told myself to not cry over issues like this as it's not beneficial for me in any way cause I'm just hurting myself at the end of the day and it's not worth it to cry over that person. That's my 2010 Resolution and I manage to stand firm and stick to my Resolution, thank God. But still, there are times when I really wanted to cry out and just let it all out. It's really suffocating to keep everything inside and not knowing how to let go of the hatred/anger/frustration/upset feelings within me.

Sometimes, I'm just tired and fed up of all this but the feeling of not wanting to let go over this friendship makes things even more complicated for me :/ right now, I don't even know how to face that person anymore. What kind of feelings should I use to face him/her? Should I smile? Should I be someone different in front of that person while facing others, I'm still the normal girl they used to know?

Sigh. All I can do now is to just rest in His arms and let Him take care of everything. I'm helpless at this point. There's nothing much I can do now. God, take over.



Blessings & Peace Out,
♠ Vanessa ♠™